If you want to get really creative, stop believing your thoughts! Resistance to anything creates blocks in thinking and flow. We get stuck in a pattern and the mind uses its incredible resources not to solve the problem, but to justify why the problem is there in the first place!
“He should pull his weight”
“Its not my responsibility”
“She shouldn’t be so lazy”
“I’m not being paid for this”
“It’s not my job”
Around every problem that has yet to be solved, there is a pile of resistance in the form of thoughts like these creating a diversion. Thoughts guide our mind’s direction. If we are all thinking about why it’s not my problem, the mind automatically guides us into ‘because..this, that or the other’, we move into justification and defense.
Once a thought has been questioned, the mind can be redirected. We ask ‘is it true?’ as a way to invite the mind out of its rigidity. We ask ‘how do you react when you believe this thought’ as a way to show the mind how futile this thought is in creating anything positive or stress-free. We then ask ‘who would you be without this thought?’ or another way of looking at it is ‘without this thought, what would you be doing differently?’ and this is where the lightbulbs can really start working.
Every morning in my household it used to be a chaotic mix of pushing, herding, shouting, nudging, panic, lecturing, frustration, and stress to get the kids onto the bus on time. I noticed that many a morning I was packing the bags, trying to remember if it was PE or Library or homework day and often forgetting important pieces of information and getting mad at the fact the girls were mindlessly wandering about without any cares. It came to me that my stressful thought was ‘they should do more’ and with it was lots of other stressful thoughts about expat brats, poor mothering skills and the like.
As I was Inquiring into this thought (when the house was quiet again), I noticed that when I had the thought ‘my children should do more’ I just yelled at them and made everyone feel inadequate and upset. After years of yelling, it was clearly not helping or changing anything except my blood pressure. When I didn’t have the thought ‘my children should do more’ my mind started to accept this fact and automatically asked ‘so if the kids are not supposed to do more, what are you going to do to stop this insanity?’ I immediately went into problem solving mode and came up with a list of things I could do which included getting ready in the evening, packing the bags and having lists more clearly laid out as to the children’s activities by day etc. As I was brainstorming, I suddenly realized that the kids could be doing this with me. In the evenings we had more time and it could become part of the bedtime routine – in that way, my children would be doing more. Bingo, problem solved.
In any problem situation the same criteria exists. What are you resisting or thinking ‘should’ be happening that isn’t. Are you upset that someone else should be doing something that they are not? Are you annoyed that someone else isn’t taking responsibility? Are you convinced that someone is wrong? Question these beliefs and be open to taking full responsibility – you’ll be surprised at the answers that come to you once you see that change can only come from you. And if you are thinking ‘that’s not fair, I want them to change first’, then that is a good place to start!
November 1, 2009 Comments Off
25th August, 7.30-9.30pm
$20 at the door.
Email: booking@reikicentre.com.sg
In the 1980’s Byron Katie began teaching an extremely effective technique called ‘The Work’.
This technique is very effective for people who feel stuck in patterns of behavior or thought, who are struggling with relationships, anger issues or trauma and sadness. Inquiry is a simple process where the mind is harnessed and invited to explore other alternatives to its current line of thought.
By gently opening the mind we see more and more possibilities and our sense of freedom, problem solving skills and peace become enhanced.
This evening is to practice the Work and is open to all. We will explore different topics and aspects of the Work every month as well as work through a stressful belief.
If you are new to this process please read Byron Katie’s summary ‘Little book’ downloadable here before you come to the Inquiry Circle.
The Circle is held at The Reiki Centre, 282D River Valley Rd
For Location map click here.
Every Last Wednesday, $20 drop in.
For more information on Byron Katie click here
Interested in a private session?
Elaine offers private facilitation to those working through specific issues, blocks or stressful trauma. Sessions can be done face to face or over the phone, the value of having a facilitator is to help you gently stay focused as you look deeper into the stressful beliefs keeping you trapped in destructive behaviours or patterns of thinking. No prior knowledge of the Work is required though you will be asked to read the ‘Little Book’ downloadable here before we begin as well as complete a Judge Your Neighbour worksheet downloadable here.
Individual facilitation: $150 per session (60-80 mins)
Phone facilitation: $100 per session (60 mins)
For more information please call Elaine: 9660 4893 or email booking@reikicentre.com.sg
(From the Little Book: The Little Book Download)
“The Work of Byron Katie is a way to identify and question the thoughts that
cause all of the suffering in the world. It is a way to find peace with yourself and
with the world. The old, the young, the sick, the well, the educated, the
uneducated—anyone with an open mind can do this Work.
Byron Kathleen Reid became severely depressed while in her thirties. Over a
ten year period her depression deepened, and Katie (as she is called) spent
almost two years rarely able to leave her bed, obsessing over suicide. Then one
morning, from the depths of despair, she experienced a life changing realization.
Katie saw that when she believed that something should be different than it is
(“My husband should love me more,” “My children should appreciate me”) she
suffered, and that when she didn’t believe these thoughts, she felt peace. She
realized that what had been causing her depression was not the world around
her, but what she believed about the world around her. In a flash of insight,
Katie saw that our attempt to find happiness was backward—instead of
hopelessly trying to change the world to match our thoughts about how it
“should” be, we can question these thoughts and, by meeting reality as it is,
experience unimaginable freedom and joy. Katie developed a simple yet
powerful method of inquiry, called The Work, that made this transformation
practical. As a result, a bedridden, suicidal woman became filled with love for
everything life brings.
Katie’s insight into the mind is consistent with leadingedge research in
cognitive psychology, and The Work has been compared to the Socratic dialogue,
Buddhist teachings, and 12step programs. But Katie developed her method
without any knowledge of religion or psychology. The Work is based purely on
one woman’s direct experience of how suffering is created and ended. It is
astonishingly simple, accessible to people of all ages and backgrounds, and
requires nothing more than a pen and paper and an open mind. Katie saw right
away that giving people her insights or answers was of little value—instead, she
offers a process that can give people their own answers. The first people exposed
to her Work reported that the experience was transformational, and she soon
began receiving invitations to teach the process publicly.”
www.thework.com
This year has been my challenge to find my honest ‘no’. I am a self-admitted people pleaser, not to the crazy extent of some, but it definitely gets me into trouble. At the School, Katie does an entire section on getting to an honest ‘No’. It goes something like this:
Person who wants you to say yes: “I really need your help, I’m in a bit of a pickle with my finances – you know the recession has hit my business really badly and I’m struggling to make ends meet. The kids’ school fees are due this month and I just can’t find the cash – I really need a loan, not for too long, maybe 6 months, a year? I know you have the cash, its small change to you really – can you please loan it to me – it will mean the kids can stay in school and it would really help me out.”
You: “I really understand that you are in trouble, and no.”
Person who wants you to say yes: “What? You’re saying no? But my kids! Are you telling me to take them out of school? To leave their friends and their life? How am I going to tell them that you don’t care enough for them? How can you do this to me, I’m your brother/sister/parent/friend!”
You: “I love you, and no”
So, we practiced this in the School and it seemed easy enough, NOT! Can you imagine just saying ‘no’ to someone you love and getting all this guilt laid on you and still saying no, with no justification or defense? Well as a people pleaser I was desperate to try it out, but also scared stiff.
Of course the friendly universe has given me several opportunities to practice since coming home 
The first opportunity was an old colleague who wanted me to talk at an event that I really didn’t want to do. She’s an old friend and she’s given me lots of work in the past, I was uncomfortable saying no because I didn’t want to let her down and I was mindful of repercussions in our future relationship. My first attempt at an honest ‘no’ was simply ignored along the lines of “I can’t take your no for an answer, you owe me and you have to say yes” in a very long winded and emotional email detailing lots of past history, justification etc etc. When I got her response I immediately went into defense and went to bed tossing and turning all the brilliant justifications I could give her for saying ‘no’. Then I remembered my honest ‘no’ and my stress just melted away. In response to her 2 page email I replied “I understand you feel strongly about this, and no.” I cannot tell you how good that felt! Clean, pure, authentic, honest – wow! Ok, now I get it, really, I am never doing differently. Amazing!
The rub is, even though I now felt clear and good about it, it still doesn’t mean she did, and by the way she didn’t – she came back a third time but with decidedly less heat in her tone and expectation. I think my honesty and brevity knocked a lot of wind out of her sail and maybe allowed her to open to the possibility that another option could also work. In the end we did come up with something else that was workable and kept us both in integrity.
My key learning was in seeing how damaging I was being to my own integrity, saying ‘yes’ just to please someone is always a ‘no’ to yourself. I learnt that giving an honest ‘no’ not only makes me feel brilliant with the force of a massive ‘YES’ to myself, but it also opens the other party to collaboration making it much easier to come to a win win.
Law of attraction states that whatever you focus on you attract. People can often mistake this as purely material, “I focus on a red Ferrari”, “I want more money”, “I want to be a size 10” but in fact it is easier to notice how this works in life if you look at it as accessing different levels of awareness. When you are operating primarily out of fear or anger then you get that coming right back at you, when you operate out of joy or optimism, then you get that vibrating back at you.
Take for example five different days when you walk down a dark alley and you see a homeless man sitting next to a dumpster. Imagine you have had a particularly fearful day or you are in a very fearful mood – the world seems dark, foreboding and unkind – disaster is lurking at every corner (you just watched the news!). Walking down this alley is already filling you with unease, you spot the homeless man and notice the likely thoughts running through your mind. “He’s going to mug me” ,“He’s going to rape me”. Notice the level of stress and anxiety running through your body. Notice how tense and upset you feel when he reaches out his hand to you. Likely you turn and run down the street away from him. Imagine the story you would tell your friends and family about your ‘narrow escape’.
Now imagine you have had a terrible day with people you despise, you are in a rage and you feel like you are about to explode you are so angry. Same alley, same homeless man. This time you look at him and what are the thoughts coming to you now – what is the thinking you are now accessing? “Good for nothing”, “Lazy, incompetent, parasite”. He reaches his hand out to you. Do you hit him, kick him – in your mind maybe, if not in reality. There is violence in your thoughts and violence in your environment. You can imagine how that life would pan out if you continued to sit in anger day after day.
Next mood, you’ve had a disappointing day, you’re feeling deflated and hopeless. Overwhelmed and unhappy with life. Feeling small and insignificant – ‘nothing goes my way’. You walk down the alley and see the man. Maybe you burst into tears, see him as a total summary of your life, a sign for how low you’ve also sunk. He holds out his hand and you just shrug – you feel as poor and hopeless as him, what can you possibly offer him?
Shifting up a gear now, you walk down the alley in an optimistic mood. Life is good, you feel happy, optimistic and enthused by life. You feel the universe is kind and loving and you feel very blessed and excited about life. You see the homeless man, what do you do? Sit next to him and chat awhile, share your lunch with him, share a touch of kindness with him? He holds out his hand and you give him ten bucks, or fifty. You smile and it feels good.
Finally, imagine you are in total joy, vibrating in truth and love, empowered. You walk down the alley, you see the man. He holds out his hand, don’t you give him everything you have? Don’t you hold him, hug him, touch him with your love? You walk out and you have blessed another human being with your love. You have gone from me me me to service.
This is the way to change the world, this is the way to make a difference – through your own vibration and not through fear or anger or raging at the world and what it has or hasn’t done for you, to you. Notice the same man in all these scenarios, just a different you. This is a microcosm of your life, you react to every single incident in your life based on the level you are vibrating at, what you are feeling and thinking and your filters. Minute by minute, day by day – your life really shouldn’t be any surprise to you, you created it.
You can change it too by simply focusing on your vibration, how are you feeling today and how do you feel better. There are so many amazing techniques in both law of attraction and the Work of Byron Katie to help you shift up and up in your energy and in so doing in experiencing a totally new level of life.
An Introduction to
The Work of Byron Katie
Presented by
Sue Lee, Certified Facilitator of The Work
13th Saturday & 14th Sunday November, 930am-5.30pm
“My partner doesn’t appreciate me.”
“The world is a dangerous place.”
“I need more money.”
“I’m too fat.”
Thoughts like these may run through our minds many times a day, fostering fear, anger, stress, and depression. How different would your life be if these thoughts never bothered you again? The Work of Byron Katie is a process that clears the mind. It is a way to identify and question the thoughts that cause all the suffering and violence in the world. The Work is simply four questions and a turnaround, which is a way of experiencing the opposite of what you believe. It is so simple that anyone with an open mind can do it. This process works. It is radical, and life-changing.
The Work is used by leading-edge business leaders, mental health practitioners, coaches, educators, and by millions of people around the world, as a way to move from confusion to clarity. Practicing this simple process of self-inquiry, people who have spent years dealing with stress, fear, anxiety, and depression experience a profound shift in consciousness, a deep sense of inner peace, and the ability to approach problems with a clear mind.
“My partner doesn’t listen to me.”
“My children are disobedient.”
“I hate my job.”
“My life would be better if…”
Come learn a simple way to clear your mind and move from fear to freedom, from anger to joy, and from confusion to clarity. All you need is an an open mind, pen and paper.
Come learn this simple, radical, and life-changing process of inquiry.
During this two day intensive workshop, you will:
- Learn to identify and question your stressful thinking.
- Learn to let go of concepts that are limiting you
- Experience how you live your life when you believe thoughts that are not true for you.
- Discover new possibilities and different perspectives.
- Learn how to facilitate yourself and others using The Work’s four questions and turnarounds.
- Realize what is true for you, and take home a powerful tool that can help you live with clarity and integrity.
About Sue Lee:
Sue Lee was a certified Holistic Health Counselor and a Licensed Bodyworker living in the state of California, USA before moving back to Malaysia in year 2004. She is a Licensed Facilitator for The Work of Byron Katie, certified by the Institute of The Work to share the work with people and to serves as a mentor to facilitators in training. She believes that true freedom and joy is an internal process. By working with our limiting thoughts, the projected outside world will come closer in matching our true nature which is love and truth.
To book: booking@elainegrundy.com
Venue: 282D River Valley Rd
Fee: S$450
I’ve always known intellectually that when I react to something it’s because I resist something inside. During my time at the Byron Katie School I finally made the short 12 inch sink from my brain to my heart. Now I know it unequivocally, and that has given me a sense of peace and gratitude I have not experienced before, because now I know when I experience resistance, I’m close to the truth.
This is such a powerful realization for me, I am not even sure I can articulate it, but I’m going to try!
An Example:
I went to a friend’s birthday party over the weekend and when I gave her my gift I said:
“ sorry, it’s not very exciting”, the words just spilled out apologetically and then the evening moved on. Later, another friend who had observed the exchange commented that it was an odd thing to say “why were you apologizing when you bought her a nice gift? That was a weird thing to say!” she said to me.
Well, this is what my mind did…in sequence:
“How rude, why did she even bother to tell me she thought I was weird?!”
“She’s weird for telling me I’m weird!”
“I’m not weird.”
“Oh god, maybe I am weird? Did I do something wrong?”
“Oh No, I DID do something wrong, I shouldn’t have said that”
“Does the party girl now think I’m weird too?”
“I diminished the gift, why did I do that?”
“Why do I apologize for everything, I’m such a schmuck”
“Ugh, I really suck”
Ok, don’t tell me you don’t do this too sometimes!! But notice where I go! My friend tells me I said a weird thing and I end up beating myself up and turning the simple statement into a self-massacre!
So I am sitting there with my torrent of thoughts, feeling bad about myself, and feeling angry at my friend for starting all this in the first place, when my ‘wise self’ whispers:
“Is it true? ‘That was a weird thing to say’, is it true?”
Umm, yeh, I guess it was.
From here a strange thing happened. I simply saw the truth in it. I saw that I didn’t need to apologize for buying a birthday gift for someone. I saw that my friend was gifting me criticism so I could see what I was doing and be more aware next time. I saw that my friend’s honesty was my growing awareness. And I got very excited that I was seeing it so clearly. In that moment all my anger and stress simply dropped away, I fell into peace again.
Who would you be without your story?
Don’t you just HATE that? Lesson no. 2 is the irrevocable knowledge that what I have been saying for years is true, whatever upsets me in others is what is upsetting me about myself. There is absolutely no use trying to live in denial. After all, is it working?
“But, but…I hate arrogant, self-righteous people who can’t apologies! That’s NOT me!!!” So whose being arrogant and self-righteous now? You know those moments when people call you stubborn or stuck up or down-right WRONG! And you feel so outraged and angry and you look at them incredulously and think ‘WHAT?!?! They are the ones being stubborn, stuck up and definitely WRONG!
Welcome to the mirror
There is a very simple way to begin the healing process and see for yourself the healing and freedom that can take place when you stop the denial. Think of anything that causes you stress around other people – what beliefs are you carrying around about what people should and should do or say:
- People should be courteous
- People should be kind
- People should not kill
- People should apologize when they are wrong
Any thought that when I ask “Is it True?” you answer with an unswerving “YES”
This is denial. You are fighting reality, you are fighting what is showing up in the world – we are not talking about morality here, I am only interested in the truth – not my moral truth, my religious truth, the ACTUAL truth. Look around and take off the blinkers. People are rude, people push into the queue, people kill each other, people don’t apologize. I am screaming against the truth of it, and then wondering why I experience stress. Screaming doesn’t solve anything….. isn’t that closer to the truth?
What would happen if you let go of the thought, just for a moment. Who would you be without the story of ‘he should do this’ or ‘they should do that’? Can you even imagine life without your constant barrage of thinking? What is under it all? Could it be freedom, peace, calm, joy?
So long as we insist on holding on to the thoughts, we leave ourselves no choice but to experience the stress of it. “It shouldn’t be like this” we scream…”but it is” the universe says back…”but it SHOULDN’T be” we scream…”but it is” the universe says back…
How can we possibly hear our truth, experience the peace or love underneath the screaming?
Here’s what I know has been true for me….
- The less I fight reality the more I see it as kind and loving
- The more I accept what others say to me, the more I see it is always true, the less impact it has on me
- The less I expect others to do, the more they actually do
- The less I expect myself to do, the more I actually want to do
- If I stop pushing myself, I get more done effortlessly
- The more I inquire as to my thoughts, the more I love them.
Come and experience it for yourself!
See here for more info
For a private facilitated session, please call me! Elaine 9660 4893
As I am trying to digest the last 9 days experience, its almost unspeakable what happens to you, not in a bad or weird way, but it’s such an intense experience its unspeakable in that it is almost impossible to explain! Like all good things (eg Reiki Attunements, warm flourless chocolate cake, smelling a new born baby) these are things to be experienced, not taught.
So here goes an intellectual version of the real thing!
#1 Literal Listening:
In many other tools and philosophies (Law of Attraction, NLP) we are taught that the universe hears us literally, and whatever we focus on is what we get. So for example in LOA we do not use negatives such as “I don’t want to be fat” because the Universe picks up on the focus ie the word ‘fat’ and gives us more of that.
In learning to speak literally and to get really clear on what we want, Byron Katie flips it and asks us to get really literal on what we hear as well. It seems so obvious, but it was a real lightbulb for me.
For example, you’re having a fight and your partner yells at you “You’re not Listening to me!!!!!” what goes on in your head when that is said is probably a similar version to what goes on in my head:
“That’s not true! I totally listen, he’s the one not listening!”
“I can repeat everything he said to me!”
“I don’t need to listen, he’s already repeat himself 5 times”
“I don’t need to listen, he’s wrong anyway” Etc etc
In literal listening, we hear the statement: “You’re not Listening to me!!!!!” and we pause, take it in, and ask ourselves…is it true?
Well, duh! With all that nonsense going on in my head, of course I’m not listening!
The usefulness of this technique is in its simplicity, and truth. If we assume the Universe is kind, everything that happens to us is part of the Universal support for our growth and learning. So when someone says to us “You’re not Listening to me!!!!!” it’s a strong message from the Universe that we need to start listening – yes to the person who is talking to us, but also elsewhere in our life, eg. To ourself, to the world, to others, to our body etc etc where else in your life are you not listening?
There’s another way this works that is a real gem if you are fed up of fighting with loved one. I now see every argument as a gift from the Universe, lots of messages for me to meditate on! Recently my hubbie and I started a heated discussion on the topic of our children, but instead of rushing to my own defense, I rushed for the pen and paper, sat down and started scribbling furiously as he talked “What else?” I asked him. You can imagine it stopped the fight dead. Who can stay angry when you are nodding and writing and feeling gratitude that your partner is such a brilliant teacher, and who can remain unheard and frustrated when your partner is scribbling down your every word and asking for more feedback?
The end of War, now that’s something worth learning!
An Introduction to
The Work of Byron Katie
Sunday 25th July, 9.30am-5pm
$210
“My partner doesn’t appreciate me.”
“My mother doesn’t love me.”
“I need more money.”
“I don’t like my body.”
Thoughts like these run through our minds many times a day, creating fear, anger, stress, and depression. How different would your life be if these thoughts never bothered you again? The Work of Byron Katie is a process that clears the mind. It is a way to identify and question the thoughts that cause all the suffering and violence in the world.
This technique is very effective for people who feel stuck in patterns of behavior or thought, who are struggling with relationships, anger issues or trauma and sadness. Inquiry is a simple process where the mind is harnessed and invited to explore other alternatives to its current line of thought.
It is so simple that anyone with an open mind can do it.
During this workshop, we will look at some of the thoughts creating the most stress in your life. We will learn a simple process for questioning those thoughts and exploring other ways of thinking. We will learn through case studies, experience, and helping to facilitate each other through the Work.
Are you ready to release some of your tightest, most rigid beliefs? If so, come along!
To book your seat: booking@reikicentre.com.sg
Venue: 282D River Valley Rd
Fee: S$210
Click here for more on:
Byron Katie
